Most likely, this isn’t going to be the post you’d assume from the title. It’s not dramatic but it’s important which is a good enough reason for me to keep writing. I want to change, or in other words, stop changing. If you’re confused, I don’t blame you because this has been an overwhelming feeling of mine for the past few months.
I’m spontaneous and I get bored VERY easily. Whether that be from eating the same meal every week, living in the same space every day or just simply watching a long film. There is a positive side to this, I promise. Having this turbulent nature in me means that I change myself and my surroundings frequently. And it’s not just something as shallow as changing my hair colour. Saying that though, I’m currently thinking of going darker – what do you think?
I often have this burning desire to change both my personality and my appearance. The majority of the time, the two come hand in hand. Find me a heavy metal drummer dressed in a white lace maxi then maybe I’ll take that statement back. Seriously though, sometimes it can lead to amazing experiences but sometimes I can get a bit out of control. I’ll begin comparing my life to other girls which, as we know by now, ain’t good! Then I’ll start getting sucked into social media’s standards and the latest expectations people have for “influencers” (anyone else hate that word?). In this state of mind I become very susceptible to forgetting who I am for the sake of pleasing the world. So toxic. I want this to change.
I realise I’ve slightly shot myself in the foot here because only recently did I write a post about self acceptance. It was totally candour as it was the first time I’d spoken aloud about the subject so I didn’t have a clear head about my feelings. I should probably go back once in a while and take my own advice though. Nonetheless, over 5 months later and I think I’ve finally figured myself out. Well…18 years late!
I’m going to be brutally honest with you. I’m not the overtly-feminine gal I come across as on Instagram. I don’t twirl around in floral dresses and floaty blouses 24/7. A lot of the time I’m not too bothered about the state of my barnet or if my highlight is sister shining. It’s all in moderation though. Don’t think I’ve been cat-fishing you guys for the past 6 months! I really do love a good glam moment or dressing for all my frill and ruffle dreams in London’s latest aesthetic cafe. But that’s just it, a moment. It’s not my life and it’s not how I enjoy living for the most part. I love tattoos and mosh pits, my favourite time is the middle of the night and my obsession for thrillers is ever-growing. But hell, I can be both at the same time.
I want to be who I am and do whatever the f*ck my heart desires. I want to create something meaningful and a tad bit eccentric on my blog and in every part of my life that I can. Once and for all I’m going to let go of these stupid expectations that I’m held to as part of the younger generation. I’m not going to be forced to “fit in” anywhere anymore, I’ve got my own back from now on.
It’s so difficult in this day and age to be unique and create something that’s hasn’t been done before. Being a naturally creative person, I have plenty of ideas running through my head constantly but (until now) I never felt I could execute them. If it wasn’t a picture of a pink restaurant or a an everyday makeup post then I didn’t think people would care. As I’ve spent more time in the blogging community, learning and growing all the time, I’ve realised that there’s a crowd for everyone. I don’t need every single person to like me and my content which is what I’ve struggled to accept.
I suppose I’ll get less likes on the ‘gram and my pinterest views will drop but that’s not my priority in life. This post was just a quick message to let you know that my content on social media will be changing slightly. Expect it to be a bit more grungy than you’ve been used to and a little more laid back. It’s time for change and to express myself truthfully through my content.
P H O E B E